July 05, 2008

Honey, Don't We Have Bigger Scotch Glasses? Much Bigger?

I reprint this entry from Kathryn Jean Lopez in its entirety because...well, because. If I didn't, you'd think I was fibbing or inventing it completely, or cutting it to make it sound silly. Having met you before, who knows what you might think. K-Lo imparteth much wisdom:
re: Civics [Kathryn Jean Lopez]

A totally crazy Saturday-morning thought: Wouldn't George W. Bush make an awesome high-school government teacher? Wouldn't it be something if his post-presidential life would [sic] up being that kind of post-service service? How's that for a model? Who needs Harvard visiting chairs and high-end lectures? How about Crawford High? (Or wherever?) Reach out and touch the young before they are jaded, or break them of the cynicism pop culture and possibly their parents have passed down to them. Whatever you think of President Bush, he's a likable guy in love with his country with some history and experience to share.

Like I said, crazy. Saturday. Have a good one.
Now, I myself don't think that Ms. L. uses "crazy" in the sense of batshit fu--, oh, you know. No, it would appear she means "crazy" as in, "extremely unlikely to happen." That's an error right there. Clearly, it's the first meaning that is absolutely required here.

George W. as "an awesome high-school government teacher." What is this "history and experience" that he will "share" with these impressionable teenagers, as he will "[r]each out and touch the young before they are jaded"? (I recommend that you not dwell on the "reach out and touch" part of that. I suffered a momentary lapse of attention and did just that, and I'm still cleaning up the mess.) What precisely would Mr. Bush teach in his government class? Hmm...well...

How to annihilate the Constitution and destroy individual liberties altogether? How to obliterate crucial constitutional principles such as...oh, let me see, let's pull one out of thin air, shall we?...such as separation of powers? How to lead the country into a genocidal, criminal war of aggression? How to make torture an explicit, systematic part of warfare as conducted by the United States?

"Awesome." Yes, indeed. None of that will cause these innocent lambs to become "jaded" in the least. Oh, no.

You will note that we refrain from mentioning or even alluding to various and numerous reports of Mr. Bush's own travels off the path of respectability and decorum in his youth. We refrain, because we are respectable. (That mention of said reports doesn't count as alluding. No, it doesn't. No, it does not. Go away.) But we do hope you will feel free to revive and widely publicize all such reports in connection with Ms. Lopez's "crazy Saturday-morning thought." What fun George W. might have with these high schoolers! What wonderful reading when the arrest reports hit the internet! I actually might come to like this idea, after all.

Nonetheless, it remains the immutable fact that K-Lo's post is batshit, fucking insane. Now, where did I come in? Oh, yes.

Honey, don't we have bigger scotch glasses? Much bigger?